If They Don't Dance, They're No Friends of Mine
by Oreithyia
Summary: Class: Interpretive Dance 101; Status: Open; Survival Rate: 63%


Disclaimer: I do not own Kill la Kill, or anything associated with it whatsoever. Alas, and woe.

If They Don't Dance, They're No Friends of Mine

Matoi Ryuko felt one eyebrow arch high and the other scrunch low as she as listened to Mako's explanation. She only had a second to consider what she said before dodging the incoming bombardment of bazooka launched leopard print chainsaws hurtling towards her face.

"It's not so hard!" Mako chirped cheerily, while pirouetting between several stuffed plaid schnauzers that immediately burst into flame. "Just remember how the nursery rhyme goes!"

"I was never one for nursery rhymes," Ryuko said distractedly, ducking an attempt by a combative classmate to slip the party hat on her head before she used her foot to launch him into a pool of bacon flavor pudding where he skidded along at an impressive clip for nearly half the length of the gymnasium before the chihuahuas caught up with him, the mp3's on their collars blaring "Good Vibrations" at full volume.

"I can recite it for you, Ryuko-chan!" Mako assured her brightly, her bowl cut disappearing from Ryuko's sight for a half second as she ducked under the spray of kimchee whipped cream that someone was shooting at the polka dot corgi's, trying to smother the festive sparklers before the final countdown to detonation. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall!" She began at full volume.

"That's Snow White, Mako!" Ryuko called out as she made a mad grab for the lederhosen, hands scrabbling wildly and finger wiggling madly. "I don't think it counts as a nursery rhyme, either!" _Jazz hands! Remember the Jazz hands!_

She paused to land an uppercut on a girl making a go for lederhosen from the left before spinning sharply and dropping an elbow on the head of a boy on her right, making him drop all the platform heels.

Mako's cheerful "Sorry!" was almost drowned out by the sound of the accordions hitting the wood chipper as she went careening across the room.

She popped up in front of the startled Ryuko, nearly making her drop the hard won lederhosen.

"How about Cinderella?" She ducked another volley of chainsaws, this one going wide, before feeling Ryuko grab her ankles.

"Not a nursery rhyme," Ryuko grit out, swinging Mako in a wide circle against the incoming classmates.

"Sleeping Beauty?" as they both threw themselves bodily against the painting of the Mona Lisa to avoid the chihuahua's as they rounded the bend for another pass, the blast of Rick Astley announcing their impending arrival.

"'Nother story of a doormat with no personality waitin' on a rich dude." Ryuko quickly placed a hand on Mako's head to help her duck as a Portuguese Man'O'War was yanked from the fish tank and soared through the air to land at the girls feet, leaving the jellyfish thoroughly confused and slightly aroused.

"Oh, I remember now!" Mako said looking at the quivering Portuguese projectile. "This little piggie went to market!"

There was a horrified shriek barely registering from the far side of the gymnasium as the party hat found a victim. Ryuko said a little prayer for his soul.

"This little piggie went home!" Mako grabbed Ryuko's hand and yanked her towards the fluorescent cactus patch with the lederhosen in tow.

"This little piggie had roast beef!" Mako called happily as she chorus-line kicked a a guy from the opposing class into the path of the chihuahua's where he was drug into the distance with a wail of despair.

"This little piggie had none!" Mako pulled the pin on the hand grenade she whipped out of her bra and hurled it into the middle of a pool of innocent balloon animals, their mournful final cries lost in the din.

"And this little piggie went 'wee wee wee' -" She yelled, happily throwing the smolder remains of the schnauzers into a giant pile of piteously singed plaid "-all the way home!" as she landed in a split.

Across the gymnasium, the boy in the party hat was launched out of the cannon and landed unceremoniously amongst the lobsters as the Portuguese Man'O'War thought up a pick line.

Mako spun around triumphantly, both fists high in the air, no less than fourty industrial grade spotlights on her, making Ryuko cover her eyes with her gloved hand. Streamers and ticker tape fall from the ceiling in a waterfall of tissue paper and sequins.

A gate opened to let the chihuahua's back to the holding pen and several janitors began rounding the renegade sea creatures. The spotlights kicked on over a women calling down from the top her two story directors chair.

"Bravo, Mako-chan!" the teacher shouted through her director's cone. "That was exactly what I had envisioned!"

Mako beamed proudly as Ryuko picked tissue paper from her dark hair, making a shocked face as she found live sparkler. "I couldn't have down it without, Ryuko-chan!" She yelled at the top her lungs.

"Agreed!" The teacher yelled back. "You both pass!"

Mako cheered then flung her arms around her friend, the two sharing happy smiles.

"AS FOR THE REST OF YOU!" Came the voice of the teacher. "Remedial classes start tomorrow."

The cries of despair echoed off the wall as Ryuko and Mako, arms over each others shoulders, weaved their way around a gently rumbling chainsaw towards the locker room to change into their normal uniforms.

"Aren't you glad you signed up for Interpretive Dance with me after all?" Mako asked.

"Yeah," Ryuko agreed. "Bongo class couldn't have been this fun."

"That and you beat up their Club President during lunch yesterday!" Mako said cheerily. "That would have been awkward!"

* * *

AN: First attempt at a Kill la Kill fic. Knowing how the school is run, home room might be the only class that isn't an immediate threat to ones well-being.

Your Authoress,

Oriethyia


End file.
